Sometimes a little cursing (or a lot) is in order, and the usual four-letter words (with an occasional five- or seven-letter word) just don't cut it. Well, don't despair, because this week's slang-o-rama is here to help you get creative with your swearing and insults!
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To my mind, Shakespeare wears the crown as the king of insult. Peruse his plays, and you'll see what I mean. Next time some politician gets your goat, try snarling "There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune." (Henry IV Part 1, Act 3, Scene 3) or "Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows." (Troilus and Cressida, Act 2, Scene 1) and see if you don't feel better!
There are also many random Shakespearean (or Elizabethian) insult generators.
Like the sound of "Thou venomed guts-griping popinjay!"? Then I invite you to check out the Shakespearean Insulter.
How about "Thou are an ordinary maltworm!" For similar invectives, head over to Shakespeare's Insult Generator.
If you need multiple insults to choose from (or maybe just a whole bunch of folks you'd like to unload on), then there's the Elizabethan Curse Generator, where you can ask for any number of curses at one time... 10, 100, 1000... go for it! (I am particularly fond of "Thou craven plume-plucked jolthead!")
Have kids around, so want to "watch your language?" Then you might want to try something like the Fantasy Swear Word Generator, which throws out such marvels as "Shoodlepoppers!" "Friscuit!" and "Feeble pheasant!"
This is all well and good, but what about my favorite timeframe, the 19th century West? Well, there are some dandy expressions that might come in handy, courtesy of this "Buddies in the Saddle" blog post, including "Go to Halifax!" (which apparently Scarlett said to Rhett in Gone with the Wind).
You can find some lovely expressions in the High Country News post "Rants from the Hill: How to Cuss in Western" (Note to self: find a place in latest book to accuse someone of being a "no count flannel mouth chiseling chuckleheaded gadabout coffee boiler.")
However, for a jaw-dropping horrific you'll-never-come-back-from-this-one curse, I think the The Great Monition of Cursing by Gavin Dunbar, the Archbishop of Glasgow on the border reivers of 1525 wins, hands down. You can read the entire curse (in the Scottish vernacular with "approximate" current-day English translation) here, starting on page 5. I'll have to say, it's a pretty comprehensive curse, putting all our puny, uncreative four-letter-word efforts to shame.
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| "Them's fightin' words, you gorbellied crook-pated clotpole!" (Fedor Solntsev, Fist Fight, 1836) |
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3 comments:
Go to Halifax it is!
Hi Camille! Sounds good to me! :-)
Hmm. Some of these remind me of tongue twisters that I would be unable to get out at the best of times, much less when provoked to curse. But go to Halifax works for me.
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